Funny Business: Chocolate bars
Doug and Ernie entered a chocolate store.
As they were busy looking around, Doug stole 3 chocolate bars.
As they left the store, Doug said to Ernie, “Man, I’m the best thief ever!
I stole 3 chocolate bars and no one saw me. You can’t beat that!”
Ernie replied, “You wanna see something better? Let’s go back to the shop and I’ll show you real stealing.”
So they went to the counter and Ernie asked the shop clerk, “Do you wanna see magic?”
The shop clerk replied, “Yes!!!”
Ernie said, “Give me one chocolate bar!”
The shop clerk gave him one, and he ate it.
Ernie asked for a second, and he ate that as well.
He asked for a third and finished that one, too.
The shop clerk asked, “But, where’s the magic?”
Ernie replied, “Check in my friend’s pocket, and you’ll find the 3 chocolate bars I just ate!”
I asked the doctor if I could sew up my own wound.
He said “suture self”.
A burglar breaks into a house. He begins to search the home for valuables when hears a quiet voice say, “Jesus is watching you”. He dismisses it as paranoia and carries on with his crime.
He hears the voice again “Jesus is watching you”. He’s knows this time it’s not in his head, so he looks around the room and sees a parrot in the corner. He walks over to the parrot and it repeats one more time “Jesus is watching you”. The burglar says to the parrot. “Is your name Jesus?” “No, it’s Moses” the parrot replied. The burglar laughs and says “Who names a parrot Moses?” and the parrot says “The same person who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”