Lots of PUN: A quarter to charity
If I won $1.28B, I’d give a quarter of it to charity. Not sure what I’d do with the other $1,279,999,999.75, though.
My sister bet me I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
I just realized my countertop is made of marble. I have been taking it for granite all these years.
I just realized my wife left me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions. Oh well, hindsight is 1.
When I found out who sang “Take On Me”, it was an A-Ha moment.
I bought 10 asparagus at the store but when I got home I realized I had 11. It was just a spare, I guess.
I realized that most women are looking for security in their lives. Anytime I approach one of them, I hear her yell out, “Security!”
After some of time self-reflection, I realized that I was not a vampire.
So much manufacturing is being done overseas nowadays. I just bought this new TV and it says “Built-in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.